The Residents of Pencilvania

The Mildly Irritated Avenger
Saves the day, but only after finishing
his lukewarm coffee and updating his blog.

Real Name: Steven "Steve" Grumpleton

Occupation (before heroism): Freelance tech
support agent and part-time blogger about bad coffee shops.

Origin: It all started on an overcast Tuesday. Steve was on hold with a customer service line about a waffle iron that had “melted emotionally” during a brunch incident. After three hours of lo-fi jazz hold music and automated apologies, something snapped—or rather, fizzled. A surge of bureaucratic rage mixed with radioactive toner from the malfunctioning office printer. The result? A reluctant superhero imbued with the powers of supreme mild annoyance and low-level telekinetic frustration.

Powers:
• Sigh Shockwaves: His deep, world-weary sighs cause concussive blasts, often knocking over filing cabinets and overconfident henchmen.
• Sarcasm Field: A protective aura of biting sarcasm that causes enemies to doubt themselves and spiral into existential dread.
• The Eye Roll of Judgment: A gaze so sharp it can slice through a villain’s bravado like a passive-aggressive email.
• Petty Rage Meter: The angrier he gets over small things (uneven picture frames, paper cuts, people who say “irregardless”), the stronger he becomes.

Backstory: Ash grew up on a quiet, narrow-laned street where everyone knew your grandparents and judged your shoes. His parents were once wild-hearted artists, now reduced to working desk jobs they despise. Ash inherited their creativity but none of their stability. After his older brother mysteriously disappeared two years ago, Ash started withdrawing from the world. He turned to darkwave music, urban exploring, and the occult—not necessarily for belief, but for the symbolism.

He’s intensely observant, with a camera always slung around his shoulder. Not for selfies—he captures beauty in decay: peeling paint, abandoned motels, a lonely vending machine glowing at 3am. He might come across as aloof, but it’s not arrogance; he just doesn’t believe people can handle the weight of his truth.

Yet beneath the gloom is a fiercely loyal soul who aches to be understood. He writes letters to his brother he never sends. Every time it rains, he reads old tarot cards at the cemetery bench they used to sit on together.

Vibe: All black wardrobe, black nail polish, cryptic journal full of poetry and sketches. He’s the kind of guy who looks like he walked out of a rainy midnight.

Crispin Ash Figueroa

Age: 14

Minerva “Skid” Delaney

Age: 80

Once a buttoned-up accountant in the ‘80s, Skid discovered punk rock during a routine audit of a record label. One listen to the Ramones and she quit her job mid-balance sheet, dramatically flinging a calculator out the 14th-story window. She joined a street art collective called “GraffiTykes” and became infamous for spray-painting biting social commentary on abandoned vending machines.She pierced her eyebrow with a safety pin during a blackout-induced poetry slam, started a zine called “Punk & Circumstance”, and allegedly struck Sid Vicious on the head out of frustration with his poor bass playing.

A year ago, she formed an all-female, all-senior punk band called “The Dentures,” notorious for smashing ukuleles on stage and knitting during mosh pits. Her signature look? Leather jackets patched with cross-stitch sayings like “Anarchy in the Aisles” and “Respect Your Elders or Else.”

When not playing gigs, she teaches local teens about civil disobedience using sock puppets at the Pecilvania Community Center, takes long walks with her pet iguana Sid 2.0, enjoys competitive speed knitting, extreme couponing, Bingo fight clubs, tending to her bonsai trees, updating her most recent webzine - "The Wrinkle Warriors," participating in flash mob Tai Chi, and riding her Rascal scooter around town. Her Rascal is adorned with decals such as " “I brake for no one," a fog machine, a sidecar for Sid 2.0, and is often blasting The Clash.